Yeah, I know normally I come up with some cute, ironic, smart-assed or fancy headline – but today there will be no bells and whistles. Today, I address something that is seriously plaguing many, many singletons out there. *Said in a scary voice* BAD DATES.
You’re probably thinking “Oh Willow, surely things cannot be that horrible.” my friend, you’d be so wrong, so very, very wrong.
So let me help – or try to. I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, I do not discriminate, I will tell you that I am equally ashamed of anyone who does these things. Read them, make not just a mental note, but a VOW never to do them. EVER. If you do them now, CEASE AND DESIST IMMEDIATELY! If you think it may be a bad idea, DON’T DO IT, in case of a confusion emergency, call your best friend, or hell get a hold of me, I’ll steer you in the right direction, but never and I repeat NEVER fall back onto or into any of these behaviors:
10.) If you are going on a blind date – DO NOT lie about your height. This isn’t something you won’t be found out about – if you say you’re 5’9″ and you’re more like 5’0″ she’s going to notice. Especially if she’s supposed to be shorter but winds up being taller than you.
9.) DO NOT use a gift card to pay for dinner – just don’t do it. You come off looking cheap and a bit odd if you do, AND it kind of forces your date to eat in a place that he/she may not like.
8.) DO NOT keep pointing out that you are not staring at a particular part of their anatomy that you find attractive. It is painfully obvious you’re looking for permission, that you’re probably not going to get. Shut it.
7.) DO NOT be rude to your server while at dinner. It shows the type of person you are when you belittle someone you feel is below you. Though FYI they’re just doing their job, and without them, you wouldn’t have food delivered to your table, so again – shut it.
6.) DO NOT finger all of the food, dig in rudely, inhale your food and then assume that your date needs to go ahead and box theirs up, simply because you’re ready to go. Yes this was more than just one DO NOT, but it all involved the same thing, so I didn’t feel the need to make them separate.
5.)DO NOT, and I cannot stress this enough, quote characters from questionable movies that your date may or may not like. For instance, “Fat Bastard’s” fecal matter jokes (which Patty knows I love SO much *eye roll, shaking my head*) are definitely a damn bad idea for conversation pieces.
4.) DO NOT tell your date that they aren’t capable of doing something based solely on gender – unless you’re referring to say menstruating, childbirth, or ejaculating semen (thank you Patty for pointing these things out during my rant) because it tends to piss people off. Rightly so.
3.) DO NOT complain about the price of things you chose to do on a date. Especially when your date has offered to pay and you declined.
2.) DO NOT pretend to listen to your date, “uh huh, right, right, right” when in reality you’re merely waiting for a pause so that you can talk. It’s rude. You should be interested in what they are saying, and actually pay attention, you want them to give you that same respect.
And here is the big one…
1.) DO NOT try to kiss them at the end of the evening, when it was blatantly obvious that they did not enjoy their time out with you. That is presumptuous and rude.
Maybe I should revisit this and do a TOP TEN “PLEASE DO’s for Dating” – perhaps one day. All I know is, if you are guilty of any of these, oh honey, rectify it immediately.
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